If you have ADHD, you might sometimes feel emotions very strongly. You might go from feeling OK to extremely angry, upset, excited or overwhelmed very quickly.

You might also find it difficult to:

• work out exactly what you are feeling
• calm yourself down once an emotion has taken over
• stop yourself from reacting without thinking
• let go of something that has upset you
• stop going over negative thoughts in your head
• cope when lots of things are happening at once.

If this sounds familiar, you are not doing anything wrong. Emotional regulation can be difficult for people with ADHD, and it is something you can learn and practise.

There isn't one technique that works for everyone. The aim is to build up a toolkit of different strategies and learn which ones work best for you.

You don't have to like an emotion to accept that you're feeling it.

Sometimes people with ADHD receive the message that their feelings are "too much" or that they are overreacting. This can make you feel embarrassed or ashamed about having strong emotions.

Instead, try telling yourself:

"I'm feeling this really strongly right now, and that's OK. I don't have to act on it."

You can acknowledge an emotion without letting it control what you do next.

When you're upset, your brain can quickly jump to the worst possible explanation.

For example:

"They haven't replied. They must be angry with me."

Try asking yourself:

• What else could be happening?
• Do I know this for certain?
• Is there another explanation?
• What would I say to a friend who was thinking this?

You don't have to force yourself to think positively. Instead, try to find a more balanced explanation.

Sometimes your brain can get stuck going over the same problem again and again.

This is called rumination.

You might replay an argument, worry about something that happened earlier, or keep imagining what could go wrong.

When you notice this happening, try an "if–then" plan.

For example:

If I notice myself going over the same thoughts on the way to school,
then I will put on some music and focus on what I'm listening to.

You could also try something that completely absorbs your attention, such as:

• music
• gaming
• drawing
• exercise
• cooking
• talking to someone
• a hobby or activity you enjoy.

The aim isn't to ignore your feelings forever. It's to give your brain a chance to step out of the thought loop.

When emotions become overwhelming, bring your attention back to what is happening right now.

Look around you and name:

5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste

You can do this almost anywhere, and you don't need anyone else to know you're doing it.

Strong emotions can feel as though they are going to last forever.

They won't.

Think of an emotion like a wave. It rises, reaches a peak and eventually comes down.

Instead of immediately acting on the feeling, try:

1. Name it: "I'm really angry."
2. Notice it: Where can I feel it in my body?
3. Allow it: "I don't have to get rid of this feeling immediately."
4. Wait: Give yourself some time before deciding what to do.

You might still feel angry, upset or overwhelmed — but you can give yourself time to decide what you want to do next.

This can be particularly useful when you feel like doing something impulsive that you might regret later.

Sleep and emotions are closely connected.

When you're tired, managing strong emotions can become much harder.

Some things that may help include:

• keeping roughly the same bedtime and wake-up time
• avoiding caffeine and energy drinks later in the day
• avoiding naps where possible
• using your bed mainly for sleeping
• having a gradual wind-down before bedtime
• trying some screen-free, relaxing activities before sleep.

Think of getting ready for sleep like landing a plane, rather than suddenly switching yourself off.

ADHD doesn't look the same in everyone, so you might find some strategies much more useful than others.

You can also use some of the things that come naturally with ADHD to your advantage.

Hyperfocus
If something really captures your attention, it can help you break out of repetitive negative thinking.

Being easily distracted
Sometimes distraction can actually be useful when you are overwhelmed or stuck in a thought loop.

Creativity
Creative thinking can help you come up with different ways of looking at a difficult situation.

Optimism and seeing possibilities
These can help you think about alternative explanations when your first thought is very negative.

Different strategies are useful in different situations.

For example, sometimes you might need to express how you feel. At another moment, you might need to put the feeling to one side temporarily so that you can get through a lesson, an exam or an important conversation.

The goal isn't to hide your emotions.

The goal is to have enough different strategies that you can choose the one that is most helpful for that particular moment.

You don't have to learn all of this at once.

Pick one strategy and practise it when you're reasonably calm. Then try using it when you notice a strong emotion starting.

You could start with:

"When I feel overwhelmed, I'll try the 5–4–3–2–1 exercise."

or

"When I notice myself going over the same thought again and again, I'll do something that really grabs my attention."

The more you practise, the easier it can become to use these skills when you really need them.

Your emotions aren't the problem.

Having strong emotions doesn't make you difficult, dramatic or "too much".

Learning to recognise your emotions, understand them and choose what you do next is a skill — and skills can be learned.

MindAlign

Child & Adolescent Psychiatry

Practical advice for young people and families.