Friendships can truly be one of the best aspects of being a teenager. They have the power to make you laugh until your stomach hurts, transform boring classes into bearable moments, and serve as your support system when things go awry. 

However, navigating friendships can also get complicated. Misunderstandings can arise, people may fall out, messages can go unanswered, and you might even feel left out at times. You could find yourself annoyed by something someone said, or regretting something you said in return.

The good news? You don’t need to be perfect at making friends. You just need to pick up a few important friendship tips for teenagers.

1. Making the First Move

Sometimes, making a new friend is as straightforward as saying "hi." You don’t need to be the center of attention; you’re looking for companionship, not admiration.

Try this:  

- Say hello.  

- Make eye contact—or look at their forehead if direct eye contact feels uncomfortable—smile, and greet them. Using their name can add a personal touch.  

- Identify something you have in common: a shared class, favorite music, sports interests, or even a mutual dislike of PE.  

Ask questions like:  

- “What did you think of that?”  

- “How did you find the test?”  

- “Are you going to the match?”  

- “What music do you listen to?”  

Questions starting with "what" or "how" usually make conversations smoother.  

Offer a genuine compliment.  

Something simple can go a long way:  

- “I really like your trainers.”  

- “That was actually a really good answer.”  

You don’t need to shower them with praises; one heartfelt remark usually suffices.  

Do things together.  

Friendships often strengthen through shared experiences—whether that’s sitting together at lunch, playing a game, studying, or just hanging out. Remember, even texting can help solidify a connection. However, spending time together in real life often fortifies the bond.

2. Knowing When to Back Off

Being friendly is fantastic, but knowing when someone needs space is a key skill when handling friendship drama.  

Look for signals:  

Someone might say things like:  

- “Stop.”  

- “Leave it.”  

- “You’re annoying me.”  

They might also:  

- Stop responding.  

- Look away.  

- Move away.  

- Sigh or look uncomfortable.  

If someone gives a clear “stop” signal, it’s crucial to respect that.  

It doesn't necessarily mean they dislike you; they may just need a break from the current conversation or situation.  

And remember: We all make mistakes.  

You might occasionally annoy someone, and they might grate your nerves too. That’s perfectly normal. What matters is how you respond next.  

3. Joining a Group Without Making It Weird  

Walking up to an established group can feel like jumping into a film halfway through. You might feel lost.  

Try: Watch → Understand → Join  

First, take a moment to observe:  

- What’s everyone talking about?  

- Is there a topic you can naturally join in on?  

Then, ease into the conversation without interrupting the flow. For instance, if they’re discussing a football match, you could chime in with:  

- “I watched that game — that second half was ridiculous.”  

Avoid overstepping with a loud, “HELLO EVERYONE. CAN I JOIN YOUR GROUP?”

Belonging is more important than just fitting in.  

Seek out friends who accept you for who you are, rather than ones you feel compelled to change for.  

Good friendships aren't about agreeing with everything.

You need to be able to say what you think, explain when something has upset you and sometimes say no.

Instead of:

"You're such a horrible friend."

Try:

"I felt hurt when you made plans without me. I'd like you to include me next time."

It makes it much easier for the other person to hear what you're saying.

You don't have to do something just because a friend wants you to.

Try:

• "No thanks."
• "I'm not comfortable with that."
• "I'd rather not."
• "Let's do something else."
• "That's not really my thing."

A reluctant yes can create resentment.

A respectful no can actually protect a friendship.

Some people say things because they want a reaction.

If someone is trying to wind you up, giving them a huge reaction can sometimes encourage them to keep going.

Sometimes a boring:

"Okay."

or

"So?"

works surprisingly well.

You don't have to laugh along if something genuinely bothers you.

And if teasing becomes repeated, threatening, humiliating or genuinely upsetting, that's different. Tell someone you trust rather than feeling you have to deal with it alone.

Friendship arguments happen.

The aim isn't to win.

The aim is to work out whether you can fix things.

Ask yourself:

Am I still really angry?

If the answer is yes, wait.

You don't need to send the message immediately.

You don't need to write a 17-paragraph WhatsApp essay at 11:48pm.

And you definitely don't need to involve the entire friendship group.

Take some time to calm down and think about what you actually want to say.

• Do it privately.
• Don't name-call.
• Explain what happened.
• Say how you felt.
• Listen to their side.
• Focus on solving the problem rather than proving you're right.

Sometimes you'll discover that you completely misunderstood what happened.

Annoying.

But useful.

Your brain can be extremely creative when it thinks someone has upset you.

They haven't replied:

"They hate me."

They walked past you:

"They're deliberately ignoring me."

They didn't invite you:

"Everyone is talking about me."

Maybe.

But maybe not.

Before deciding what something means, come up with three other possible explanations.

Maybe:

• they didn't see your message
• they were distracted
• they were having a terrible day
• they didn't realise you'd wanted to come
• they thought you were busy
• something else was going on

You don't have to convince yourself that everything is fine.

Just leave some room for another explanation.

You don't always have all the information.

Not every annoying thing needs a confrontation.

Sometimes the best response is simply:

"Whatever. Moving on."

Ask yourself:

Will I still care about this tomorrow?

What about next week?

Next month?

If it's something small, accidental or completely unimportant, letting it go can 

save you a lot of stress.

Forgiveness doesn't mean pretending something didn't happen.

It means deciding that you don't want to keep carrying it around.

If someone repeatedly:

• humiliates you
• threatens you
• controls who you can talk to
• deliberately excludes you
• spreads rumours
• pressures you into things
• makes you feel frightened
• or treats you badly again and again

that's not something you simply have to "get over."

Healthy friendships should feel reasonably safe, respectful and two-way.

You shouldn't have to do all the work.

A good friendship usually involves:

You listening → them listening

You making an effort → them making an effort

You respecting boundaries → them respecting yours

You supporting them → them supporting you

Friendships aren't always perfectly equal every day.

Sometimes one person needs more support.

But if you're constantly chasing someone who never seems interested in you, it may be worth stepping back and putting your energy elsewhere.

There are a lot of people in the world.

You don't need everyone to like you.

You just need some people who genuinely do.

If you're stuck in a friendship situation, try asking yourself:

Separate the facts from what you're assuming.

Try the "Maybe Game."

If yes, talk rather than exploding.

Probably — especially if you're about to send that message.

If yes, listen.

It's okay to say no.

Friendships should involve respect, not constant stress.

You are not supposed to be brilliant at friendships all the time.

Everyone gets awkward.

Everyone says the wrong thing sometimes.

Everyone gets left out, annoyed, jealous, embarrassed or misunderstood.

The aim isn't to have zero friendship problems.

It's to get better at dealing with them.

So:

Be friendly.

Be yourself.

Listen.

Respect boundaries.

Speak up when you need to.

Apologise when you've messed up.

Let the small stuff go.

And remember:

You just need a few people who are happy that you're theirs.

MindAlign – Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
Practical information for young people and families.

This information is for general educational purposes and is not a substitute for individual professional assessment or advice.